“What do you think are the two most important decisions you will ever make in your life?”
1. Your decision to receive and serve Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
1. Your decision to receive and serve Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
2. The process you choose to discover who you will marry.
Most people think the 2nd most important decision is the specific person (you hunt down like my wife did when she found me minding my own business) to marry. I learned what is even more important than the person you select is the process you use to select this person. When you have a process in place, you will have standards guiding you as you decide if he or she is Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong.
I learned how important choosing the right process was when I bought my wife her engagement ring. What I learned was that there are a ton of things to take into consideration before you fork over your life savings for a shiny rock.
On our very first date, Liz and I went to the King of Prussia Mall, and as we walked in the mall the first store we saw was a jewelry store. We went in and without her knowing, I hit the counter and said, I want your biggest and best diamond ring, were engaged!! At that point I did not know a thing about diamonds and neither did she, but she played along and probably thought I was crazy for looking at engagement rings on our first date. She liked the smallest ring they had. It was an 1/8 of a karat, it only cost like $200. Its funny what a couple years does to a woman’s taste buds for diamonds. I say that because when we finally got engaged, I paid, 15 times that. I should have just did it one our first date, I would have saved myself a lot of money and time!!
2 ½ years later, when we finally started to look for an engagement ring, I learned you don’t want to buy the first diamond at the first store you go into and you don’t want to shop around without knowing the diamond lingo they use.
I had to learn about the cut, the karat, the color, clarity and cost of a lot of different diamonds in a lot of different stores. We went to over 50 stores before we made the purchase. I’m not lying, but I knew more then most employees. Going through that process helped us narrow down our choices so that we got the best quality diamond for my money. If I didn’t take the time to research and learn about the 5-C’s of diamonds and how to bargain and who to buy from, we would have been stuck with a second rate diamond for the rest of our lives.
When it comes to discovering someone you potentially want to marry, the process you decide to use will help you sort through the many fish in the sea. You can either date the world’s way or date God’s way. Dating the world’s way is without purpose. Dating without purpose usually leads to one night stands. Or you can date God’s way. Dating God’s way is dating with purpose. Dating with marriage in mind, even if it is far, far off in the future, it’s still on your radar.
In these two secessions, we want to walk you through the process the world promotes, to show the many flaws in their methods and then we want to introduce you to a Biblical Perspective on Dating.
Seven Habits of Highly Effective Dating (Joshua Harris)
1. Dating without purpose leads to Intimacy, not necessarily to Commitment.
Think back to a time when you started to have feelings for a member of the opposite sex before they had feelings for you or when someone had feelings for you before you had feelings for them!
I remember when I felt like I was going to die, if I didn’t tell Liz, “I loved her.” So I mustered up the courage, and when I was about to do it, she said it to me. Thank God she felt the same way as I did, because if she didn’t and I told her I loved her before she loved me, I would have prematurely crossed a line in our relationship and went where no man is suppose to go.
You know, how you know, if you did that in a relationship. From that day forward, everything begins to get real awkward around that person. The friendship you thought you had, completely changes to the point where you stop talking altogether. What has happened in that situation is one person has prematurely crossed the line between being just friends and being boyfriend and girlfriend. Premature expressions of intimacy without commitment cause one person in the relationship, if not both, to cross lines and go places in the relationship, they have no business going.
Intimacy without commitment is dangerous. It’s like going mountain climbing with a partner who isn’t sure if she wants the responsibility of holding your rope. When you’ve climbed 2,000 feet up a mountain, you don’t want to have a conversation about how she feels “tied down” by the relationship.
In the same way, many people experience deep hurt when they open themselves up emotionally and physically only to be abandoned by others who proclaim they’re not ready for “serious commitment.” Guys are notorious for this. You know the line. I’m just not ready for commitment. I said it before.
Intimacy without commitment is like an out of control fire. Without commitment, there is nothing to control and contain the passion you have for your significant other, so you go places “no man or woman” should go. But the thing is passion has a life span of two years, which means those spine tingling feelings that make us obsessed with our significant other are going to die out soon and if there is no real commitment then the relationship will die.
I learned that in the life cycle of a relationship when intimacy is the strongest, commitment is the weakest. The only way to know, if your relationship is going to work is by the test of time. That’s why; you don’t want to jump into things. It takes time to be a friend. Sometimes slower is better. Take the time to learn what that person likes, his or her history, and their future goals. It’s too late after the honey moon to begin learning why he/she married you, how many kids your partner wants, and where they want to live, and so on.
Did you know that the number one reason why couples get married is because they are “in love?” If you were to ask them, what does love mean most will not have a clue, so I thought we should go over the DNA of love.
Robert Sternberg, a Yale University psychologist, has developed “The Love Triangle.” In his model, love has three sides: (1) passion, (2) intimacy, and (3) commitment.
(1) Passion: is the motivational side of the triangle, the spine tingling sensation that moves us toward romance. Passion is sensual and sexual. Passion alone is unhealthy. It fosters a fascination that can lead to an obsession. Pure passion is self-seeking until it is linked with intimacy.
(2) Intimacy: is the emotional side of the triangle. Love without intimacy is only hormones gone wild. One cannot desire another person over the long haul without really knowing that person. Intimacy has a best friend or soul mate quality about it. I heard Intimacy defined as: In-to-me-see. It is the ability to be open, transparent and vulnerable.
(3) Commitment: is the cognitive and willful side of the triangle. I like how one person defined commitment, “Commitment creates a small island of certainty in the swirling waters of uncertainty.” Commitment says, “I love you” because you are you, not because of what you do or how I feel. Commitment is said to be the most important ingredient. It is the backbone of any relationship. I believe that a relationship where two individuals seek to be committed above all else is a relationship with will stand the test of time, weather any storm, and will not become a statistic to divorce.
Passion, intimacy, and commitment are the hot, warm, and cold ingredients in the recipe of love. Intimacy without commitment is like icing without a cake, it can be sweet, but in the end, you will be sick!
2. Dating without purpose Tends to Skip the Friendship Stage Of a Relationship.
If we are truly dating with a purpose toward marriage, this should not be a fast-paced thing. We only truly know someone to the extent that we have experience with each other. We can know many facts about the person such as what’s their favorite food, their friends, their hobbies, but this does not mean we know them. A few weeks or months are not enough time to get to truly know a persons personality, how they react in certain situations. I bet all of us can think of a relationship we jumped into and when we were in it, thought this is not what I thought they were like. The way to avoid this is to take time and watch the person before jumping into a relationship. Here are some things I would do with the person before getting into a dating relationship with them. Have open talks with them about their beliefs and standards in life. Meet and spend time with their friends. Get to know their family, and lastly spend time away from each other and seek advice from other godly people.
Looking back on Jess and my relationship, we know we skipped the friendship stage. After a few times of hanging out, we were in an exclusive dating relationship. Although we ended up okay I believe we could have spared a lot of hurt in the beginning of the relationship if we had spent time getting to know each other in a friendship environment where there is no pressure or expectation from the other person. When you jump right into a relationship you automatically will put blinders on and not see the person’s flaws. You are no longer able to see this person objectively, no matter what people tell you about them. If you remain friends with someone first it allows you to see those flaws in that person. If you then decide to date the person, you will go in with your eyes wide open.
The time involved in dating someone should reflect the importance of the relationship. Simply put, the more important a decision is, the more time you should take to make it. It sounds obvious but many couples miss this, including me. We spend years deciding on a career, we research financial dealings for months. It would make sense then that the most important human relationship we will have on earth, should be given much more time then that. I have a friend who exemplifies this:
I have known her for over 10 years, she has watched all of her friends be in relationships and most get married. She has always been very selective even when it comes to liking guys. She has actually never had a real dating relationship before. Last year she met a guy at church that she really liked, they spent the past year going to church events together and hanging out in groups of friends. After this year they realized they have a lot of common interests and really enjoy being together. Instead of beginning dating though, she is waiting until next May when she graduates from college to officially date him. She has seen so many of her friends get into a relationship fast and get hurt. She said it would hurt if we stopped talking but not as much, as if we were in an exclusive dating relationship. Although this may be a little extreme and counter cultural, she said she knows she will cherish when she can date and not just take it lightly. She will also go into the relationship with her eyes fully open after watching him for the past 1 ½ years interact with people.
If you can develop a true friendship with a person before you add in the other aspects of dating, you will have a much easier dating experience, and save yourself a lot of hurt and pain.
3. Dating without purpose often isolates a Couple from Other Vital Relationships.
The meaning of life is not found in money or possessions, but in relationships. If it was found in money and possessions, then those in Hollywood would be the most successful people in the world, but it’s funny that we see movie stars, getting divorced quicker, losing their fortunes faster, staying addicted to drugs and alcohol longer, and committing suicide more frequent.
Life’s meaning is found in relationships, but I want to suggest that our greatest obstacle from having meaningful relationships is unhealthy relationships.
I love the quote, “No man is an island to himself!” The same goes for dating relationships and marriages, “No relationship is an island to itself.” If you and your significant other seclude yourselves from others, YOU immediately lose accountability. If your relationship is hindering you from the relationships that were the most meaningful to you before you began dating, I would recommend that you take a step back and reevaluate the relationship.
When I first began dating Liz, if our relationship caused me to miss my mentoring appointments with my pastor, I would have probably dumped her, but since she did not hinder me but encouraged me to go to those meetings, I was able to build meaningful relationships with others outside who have helped us have a better relationship.
Research has proved that it is healthier to have a couple genuine relationships and eat junk food regularly then to eat healthy food and have no friends. So it is better to eat Twinkies with Good friends then to eat broccoli alone.
Harvard did a study, where 276 volunteers were infected with the virus that causes the common cold. Those who had Meaningful Relationships were 4 times less susceptible to colds, they had less of the virus and they produced less mucus! Did you catch that, they produced less mucus! It’s literally true then that Unfriendly people are snootier then Friendly people.
I want to share a story about one of my friends who neglected all his friendships to pursue a relationship with a woman who was on the verge of divorce. The relationship began as just strictly friends, but soon he was obsessed with her. When this happened, my friend began to act out of character and lose focus in life. He cut off all his friendships including myself. He stopped coming to small group. His grades started to slip. It came to the point where he didn’t need anyone else, not even God. And in, no time he was back on drugs, stuck in a crack house where he almost died. Without intending to, he foolishly and selfishly cut himself off from every vital relationship in his life, and lost everything in the process.
I found three models of three different kinds of relationship styles. Two of them are pictures of unhealthy models and the final one is the healthy model. I want to suggest that we tend to lean towards one of these models when we date, so try to figure yourself out, so that you can see what you need to do that maybe you are not doing and what you need to stop doing that you are doing.
These three models are represented by letters. The letters act as a picture of the relationship.
“A-H-M-Frame”
(1) A-FRAME: (Overly Dependent): This is where two friends become enmeshed. They have fused their identities together. This is a recipe for disaster. There is no stability. It’s like if one falls down, they both fall down, if one has a bad day, they both have a bad day, if one cries they both cry. A-Framed couples are crazy clued together. They are like Velcro, they are stuck together and no one can pull them apart!
(2) H-FRAME: (Overly Independent): They live in two different worlds. They have different friends. You hear about this in marriage a lot. The couple live to separate lives. They have there own careers, but they live under the same roof. I actually heard of couple where the wife lived and worked in PA during the weekdays and then came home to her husband in Maryland on the weekends, and then when they went for marriage counseling, they did not know what was wrong!
(3) M-Frame: (Balanced Interdependent):
This couple has identity apart from the relationship. They have balance. Balance is what gives you your own identity in the relationship. When you have your own identity, you bring something to the table, something to the relationship that helps it grow and develop. This is the healthy model, the model, you want to strive for. When you are interdependent, the compulsion for completion does not rely on each other, but on the relationship itself.
When you date with purpose, you or your significant other must not HIBERNATE from those relationships that are most vital, but allow other people around you to intermingle within respective boundaries.
Life’s meaning is found in relationships, but I want to suggest that our greatest obstacle from having meaningful relationships is unhealthy relationships.
I love the quote, “No man is an island to himself!” The same goes for dating relationships and marriages, “No relationship is an island to itself.” If you and your significant other seclude yourselves from others, YOU immediately lose accountability. If your relationship is hindering you from the relationships that were the most meaningful to you before you began dating, I would recommend that you take a step back and reevaluate the relationship.
When I first began dating Liz, if our relationship caused me to miss my mentoring appointments with my pastor, I would have probably dumped her, but since she did not hinder me but encouraged me to go to those meetings, I was able to build meaningful relationships with others outside who have helped us have a better relationship.
Research has proved that it is healthier to have a couple genuine relationships and eat junk food regularly then to eat healthy food and have no friends. So it is better to eat Twinkies with Good friends then to eat broccoli alone.
Harvard did a study, where 276 volunteers were infected with the virus that causes the common cold. Those who had Meaningful Relationships were 4 times less susceptible to colds, they had less of the virus and they produced less mucus! Did you catch that, they produced less mucus! It’s literally true then that Unfriendly people are snootier then Friendly people.
I want to share a story about one of my friends who neglected all his friendships to pursue a relationship with a woman who was on the verge of divorce. The relationship began as just strictly friends, but soon he was obsessed with her. When this happened, my friend began to act out of character and lose focus in life. He cut off all his friendships including myself. He stopped coming to small group. His grades started to slip. It came to the point where he didn’t need anyone else, not even God. And in, no time he was back on drugs, stuck in a crack house where he almost died. Without intending to, he foolishly and selfishly cut himself off from every vital relationship in his life, and lost everything in the process.
I found three models of three different kinds of relationship styles. Two of them are pictures of unhealthy models and the final one is the healthy model. I want to suggest that we tend to lean towards one of these models when we date, so try to figure yourself out, so that you can see what you need to do that maybe you are not doing and what you need to stop doing that you are doing.
These three models are represented by letters. The letters act as a picture of the relationship.
“A-H-M-Frame”
(1) A-FRAME: (Overly Dependent): This is where two friends become enmeshed. They have fused their identities together. This is a recipe for disaster. There is no stability. It’s like if one falls down, they both fall down, if one has a bad day, they both have a bad day, if one cries they both cry. A-Framed couples are crazy clued together. They are like Velcro, they are stuck together and no one can pull them apart!
(2) H-FRAME: (Overly Independent): They live in two different worlds. They have different friends. You hear about this in marriage a lot. The couple live to separate lives. They have there own careers, but they live under the same roof. I actually heard of couple where the wife lived and worked in PA during the weekdays and then came home to her husband in Maryland on the weekends, and then when they went for marriage counseling, they did not know what was wrong!
(3) M-Frame: (Balanced Interdependent):
This couple has identity apart from the relationship. They have balance. Balance is what gives you your own identity in the relationship. When you have your own identity, you bring something to the table, something to the relationship that helps it grow and develop. This is the healthy model, the model, you want to strive for. When you are interdependent, the compulsion for completion does not rely on each other, but on the relationship itself.
When you date with purpose, you or your significant other must not HIBERNATE from those relationships that are most vital, but allow other people around you to intermingle within respective boundaries.
4. Dating without purpose often Mistakes a Physical Relationship for Love.
“Just because lips have met doesn’t mean hearts have joined. And just because two bodies are drawn to each other doesn’t mean two people are right for each other.” A physical relationship does not equal love! It’s ironic how the first thing we want to do in a relationship is get physical, but thats the last thing that will keep us together. A counselor said “its funny how relationships work, before they are married you try to keep people out of the bed and after they are married you try to keep them in the bed.” Satan has perverted love and physical intimacy; he has twisted what was God’s ideal and made it an ordeal.
When we consider that our culture regards the words “love” and “sex” as interchangeable, we shouldn’t be surprised that many dating relationships mistake physical attraction and sexual intimacy for true love. Sadly, many Christian dating relationships reflect this false mind-set. Most people do not look at the people they date as a person they will make a lifelong commitment to. For this reason, many dating relationships begin with physical attraction, rather than emotional and intellectual attraction; the underlying attitude is that a person’s primary value comes from the way he or she looks and performs as a date. Next, the relationship often moves toward intimacy. Because dating doesn’t require commitment, the two people involved allow their physical satisfaction of the moment to take center stage. The couple doesn’t look at each other as possible life partners or weigh the responsibilities of marriage. Instead, they focus on the demands of the present. And with that mind-set, the couple’s physical relationship can easily become the focus.
And if a guy and girl skip the friendship stage of their relationship, lust often becomes the common interest that brings the couple together. As a result, they gauge the seriousness of their relationship by the level of their physical involvement. Two people who date each other want to feel that they’re special to each other, and they can concretely express this through physical intimacy. They begin to distinguish their “special relationship” through hand holding, kissing, and everything else that follows. For this reason, most people believe that going out with someone means physical involvement.
Do not be fooled any person can have sex with somebody else; it takes a special couple to build a relationship. The stronger couple is the one that can be in love without buying into the pressure to go to far. Once you get involved physically it enormously affects the relationship. It is important to set standards for purity. Jess is going to talk a little later about purity, but let me just tell you that the more you give before marriage the less you will be able to give to your spouse later.
5. Dating without purpose In Many Instances, Distracts Young Adults from Their Primary Purpose.
When we consider that our culture regards the words “love” and “sex” as interchangeable, we shouldn’t be surprised that many dating relationships mistake physical attraction and sexual intimacy for true love. Sadly, many Christian dating relationships reflect this false mind-set. Most people do not look at the people they date as a person they will make a lifelong commitment to. For this reason, many dating relationships begin with physical attraction, rather than emotional and intellectual attraction; the underlying attitude is that a person’s primary value comes from the way he or she looks and performs as a date. Next, the relationship often moves toward intimacy. Because dating doesn’t require commitment, the two people involved allow their physical satisfaction of the moment to take center stage. The couple doesn’t look at each other as possible life partners or weigh the responsibilities of marriage. Instead, they focus on the demands of the present. And with that mind-set, the couple’s physical relationship can easily become the focus.
And if a guy and girl skip the friendship stage of their relationship, lust often becomes the common interest that brings the couple together. As a result, they gauge the seriousness of their relationship by the level of their physical involvement. Two people who date each other want to feel that they’re special to each other, and they can concretely express this through physical intimacy. They begin to distinguish their “special relationship” through hand holding, kissing, and everything else that follows. For this reason, most people believe that going out with someone means physical involvement.
Do not be fooled any person can have sex with somebody else; it takes a special couple to build a relationship. The stronger couple is the one that can be in love without buying into the pressure to go to far. Once you get involved physically it enormously affects the relationship. It is important to set standards for purity. Jess is going to talk a little later about purity, but let me just tell you that the more you give before marriage the less you will be able to give to your spouse later.
5. Dating without purpose In Many Instances, Distracts Young Adults from Their Primary Purpose.
Before you get married, your primary purpose in life is to prepare for “YOUR” future. The truth is that dating can get in the way.
Let me show you what I mean. Dating relationships hold us back even if they are positive, from doing certain things we would otherwise be able to do if we were single. But on the other hand, relationships can help us become better people and help us do things we wouldn’t otherwise do. A perfect example would be this seminar. My wife has done almost all of what you see and are going to see over the next two days, without her I would not pull off half the things I do.
One of the down sides of dating is that it tends to distract people from developing their God‑given talents, abilities and skills. Instead of equipping themselves with the character, education, and experience necessary to succeed in life, many allow themselves to be consumed by the present needs that dating emphasizes.
I want to share a story about a TC grad that came to VFCC a couple months early. He actually was my roommate at VFCC. He started off strong, and all of a sudden he downshifted and slowly everything started to get crazy in his life. But in the midst of that he hooked up with a girl who graduated from a women’s TC. They got real serious real fast and the more serious he got for her the less serious he was for school. I will say this on thing, he was one of the most gifted guitar players I ever heard in my life, but he was lazy. Listen to what he would do. He would go to Blockbuster twice a day and get two movies each time and watch them all in our living room.
His relationship started to progress faster, and I got him doing pain killers. It was a mess. He didn’t get serious and left school and never came back. When he left he took the girl with him to FL where they got marriage. She had hopes and dreams of finishing her degree and getting a job at a TC as a counselor. But she wouldn’t listen and she traded all of that for this marriage. They got married in the back yard of his house by a hospice, chaplain for the elderly. And not to long after they got married, I learned he was on drugs and physically abusing her.
Both of their primary purpose was to prepare for their future. Both of them had an awesome opportunity to fulfill a dream they had, but because of dating with out purpose, they ended up missing what God wanted to do in their lives at that season.
When both of them should have been focusing on school and their future, they were expending that energy on maintaining their relationship. Relationships take a lot of time and energy. The energy they exerted stole from other pursuits. Their relationship swallowed up time both of them could have spent developing skills, exploring new opportunities and preparing for the future.
Let me show you what I mean. Dating relationships hold us back even if they are positive, from doing certain things we would otherwise be able to do if we were single. But on the other hand, relationships can help us become better people and help us do things we wouldn’t otherwise do. A perfect example would be this seminar. My wife has done almost all of what you see and are going to see over the next two days, without her I would not pull off half the things I do.
One of the down sides of dating is that it tends to distract people from developing their God‑given talents, abilities and skills. Instead of equipping themselves with the character, education, and experience necessary to succeed in life, many allow themselves to be consumed by the present needs that dating emphasizes.
I want to share a story about a TC grad that came to VFCC a couple months early. He actually was my roommate at VFCC. He started off strong, and all of a sudden he downshifted and slowly everything started to get crazy in his life. But in the midst of that he hooked up with a girl who graduated from a women’s TC. They got real serious real fast and the more serious he got for her the less serious he was for school. I will say this on thing, he was one of the most gifted guitar players I ever heard in my life, but he was lazy. Listen to what he would do. He would go to Blockbuster twice a day and get two movies each time and watch them all in our living room.
His relationship started to progress faster, and I got him doing pain killers. It was a mess. He didn’t get serious and left school and never came back. When he left he took the girl with him to FL where they got marriage. She had hopes and dreams of finishing her degree and getting a job at a TC as a counselor. But she wouldn’t listen and she traded all of that for this marriage. They got married in the back yard of his house by a hospice, chaplain for the elderly. And not to long after they got married, I learned he was on drugs and physically abusing her.
Both of their primary purpose was to prepare for their future. Both of them had an awesome opportunity to fulfill a dream they had, but because of dating with out purpose, they ended up missing what God wanted to do in their lives at that season.
When both of them should have been focusing on school and their future, they were expending that energy on maintaining their relationship. Relationships take a lot of time and energy. The energy they exerted stole from other pursuits. Their relationship swallowed up time both of them could have spent developing skills, exploring new opportunities and preparing for the future.
6. Dating without purpose creates an Artificial Environment for Evaluating another Person’s Character.
In the driveway of our house we have a basketball hoop that my dad used to adjust to different heights when my brother was younger. My dad used to lower the hoop for my brother so he could pretend to dunk the ball. He would spin and do all the tricks his NBA idols would do. But his “skill” exists only because he’s lowered the standards —he’s not playing in a real environment. If you had put him on a court with a ten-foot hoop, he could not fake his skills.
In a similar way, worldly dating creates an artificial environment, that doesn’t demand a person to accurately portray his or her positive and negative characteristics. On a date, a person can charm his or her way into a date’s heart. He drives a nice car and pays for everything; she looks great. But being fun on a date doesn’t say anything about a person’s character or ability to be a good husband or wife.
Part of the reason dating is fun is that it gives us a break from real life. This is why Jess and I still choose to have a “date night” on Fridays. We need a break from schoolwork, so we plan something fun to do together.
But two people weighing the possibility of marriage need to make sure they don’t just interact within the fun, romantic settings of dating. Their priority shouldn’t be to get away from real life. They need to see each other in the real-life settings of family and friends. They need to watch each other serving and working. How does he interact with the people who know him best? How does she react when things don’t go perfectly? When considering a potential mate, we need to find the answers to these kinds of questions — questions that dating without purpose won’t answer.
7. Dating without purpose Can Cause Discontentment with God’s Gift of Singleness!
In a similar way, worldly dating creates an artificial environment, that doesn’t demand a person to accurately portray his or her positive and negative characteristics. On a date, a person can charm his or her way into a date’s heart. He drives a nice car and pays for everything; she looks great. But being fun on a date doesn’t say anything about a person’s character or ability to be a good husband or wife.
Part of the reason dating is fun is that it gives us a break from real life. This is why Jess and I still choose to have a “date night” on Fridays. We need a break from schoolwork, so we plan something fun to do together.
But two people weighing the possibility of marriage need to make sure they don’t just interact within the fun, romantic settings of dating. Their priority shouldn’t be to get away from real life. They need to see each other in the real-life settings of family and friends. They need to watch each other serving and working. How does he interact with the people who know him best? How does she react when things don’t go perfectly? When considering a potential mate, we need to find the answers to these kinds of questions — questions that dating without purpose won’t answer.
7. Dating without purpose Can Cause Discontentment with God’s Gift of Singleness!
Let me make myself clear. I am not talking about the “Gift of Celibacy.” The gift of celibacy is a gift GOD bestows on somebody to do the work of the ministry. What this person does is abstain from having sex. Jesus and Paul had the gift of celibacy, and Catholic priests proclaim that they do as well. What I am talking about here is waiting for marriage to have sex. It is the time period that leads up to marriage.
God gives us singleness — for a season of our lives. There will never be a time like it once you say I DO. In this season of your life, the opportunities for growth, learning, and service are endless, but once it’s gone, it’s gone! Most people view, singleness, as a chance to get bogged down by finding and keeping boyfriends and girlfriends. But you won’t find the true meaning of singleness in pursuing romance with as many different people as you can. You will find the true meaning in using this freedom to serve God with reckless abandonment. Being able to do what HE wants when HE wants, not when you boyfriend or girlfriend allows.
I want to encourage you to celebrate the time before you get married. Be single, do things, you always wanted to do, travel the world, get a college degree, experience life, serve God, so that when this life is all over, you can say, I minimized my REGRETS, by maximizing the time God gave me to be single!
God gives us singleness — for a season of our lives. There will never be a time like it once you say I DO. In this season of your life, the opportunities for growth, learning, and service are endless, but once it’s gone, it’s gone! Most people view, singleness, as a chance to get bogged down by finding and keeping boyfriends and girlfriends. But you won’t find the true meaning of singleness in pursuing romance with as many different people as you can. You will find the true meaning in using this freedom to serve God with reckless abandonment. Being able to do what HE wants when HE wants, not when you boyfriend or girlfriend allows.
I want to encourage you to celebrate the time before you get married. Be single, do things, you always wanted to do, travel the world, get a college degree, experience life, serve God, so that when this life is all over, you can say, I minimized my REGRETS, by maximizing the time God gave me to be single!
The majority of TC students are single. The married students are the minority. What I have learned from being in your shoes and watching graduates for the last six years is that the first thing on the radar after graduation is for the male grads to find a Miss. Right and for the female grads to find a Mr. Right. The need to get into a relationship without ever learning a thing about what Godly relationships is the norm. But what happens, when you get into this relationship and you don’t have any new tools to pull out, you pull out old tools, those tools that got us in trouble in the first place. Think about it: if you don’t know how to respect a woman, treat them like a child of God, then by default you will pull out your old tool, which most likely leads to a one night stand.
I heard this when I was in the program and want to share it with you. I was told a TC graduate will fall to sex, before they fall to alcohol and drugs. (To add on to this is from my research, most TC grads who do fall to sex first, will also fall back to drugs) An easy way to prevent this from happening to you is to embrace being single. I want to challenge you, as I did to wait at least 6 months till you begin dating. Take that time to learn about yourself and what it means to be in a relationship with the opposite sex God’s way.
Singleness is a good time to refocus and recalibrate your future and then as your prepare yourself, get whole, grow spiritually, God will have someone on the other side, doing the same thing, and He will set you up on a blind date! In conclusion, most, if not all of us, in this room will be married one day if you’re not already. Once you get married, you are going to have your whole life with your mate. Once you graduate this program, you are going to walk out of here with a clean slate, a fresh start. I want to challenge you to chase a dream you might have, do whatever it is you feel God leading you to do, and once you have experienced your experiences, settle down and get married, but remember to date with purpose, so that the person you do finally marry is not second best to God’s best.
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