Purpose-Driven Dating Notes (Part #2 of 3)

The Mate-Selection-EXAM
(VIDEO)—In this session, we want to go over three characteristics you want the person you date to have. If they don’t pass this test, I would recommend, you move on because there are many other FISH in the sea. The reason, I say that is because you never want to settle for GOOD, when you can have what is BEST.
Purpose-Driven Dating is a God-guided friendship that leads ultimately to marriage. Now, you might be thinking, does this mean that the first person, I date, I have to marry? We would say, absolutely not! What we are saying is that when you do decide to date, date with purpose, not just because.
I heard a teaching on the “Mystery of Finding the Right One.” My professor’s conclusion was “finding the right one to marry has never been easy or straightforward, even from a Christian perspective.”
Here are all the possible techniques people have used to find Mr. or Ms. Right.
(1) Some choose their lifetime partner by ‘shopping around for the best deal.” Women, you get what you advertise for, so advertise your integrity and you will get a man of integrity.
(2) “Some enter relationships for purely sexual reasons and go from girl to girl or guy to guy without reservation. What this does is cripple their marriage before they ever walk down the aisle.
(3) Others choose their mate based on a prophecy or word from God in which they have little or no choice in the matter.
(4) Some choose not to enter any relationships, but instead wait until God tells them which one to marry. This approach can take a LONG, LONG time!
(5) And then some are so fearful of making the wrong decision that they fall into a state of paralysis regarding finding someone, so they end up marrying themselves!
With all these options and choices, you would think that people would take the process more seriously. So today, we want to introduce you to the Purpose-Driven Dating Process. We are going to walk you through a serious of 3 questions. Each question, we believe, is a non-negotiable, meaning if they don’t have it, they don’t get you. If they don’t pass this test with straight A’s, then they are not fit for you to marry.
I say this, because once you find yourself at the altar with your groom, you are at the POINT of NO-Return. I learned about the Point-of-No-Return when our pastor told us, at our wedding, that my wife and I just arrived at that very point. The Point of No-return is actually a term airplane pilot’s use. When a pilot drives the plane down the runway and hits a certain speed, they are committed to take off, there is no bailing out, it is do or die time, so today we want to give you some practical biblical truth that can prevent you from taking off with the wrong person.

The first question we need to ask ourselves is:
1. Is he/she a Christian?

If the person you are interested in dating is not a Christian, I would not think any further about the relationship. This should be your number one evaluation of if you should date a person. We have to look at how we view our spiritual life with our dating life. We do not need to figure out how to fit our spiritual life into our dating life, but rather how to fit our dating life into our spiritual life.
When I say Christian I do not mean someone who just calls themselves a Christian, I mean a committed Christian. Do not just take their word that they are a Christian but see if they are truly committed to Christ. When I was in 10th grade I began dating a guy who I knew was not really a Christian, but had good morals. He began coming to church with me 2 times a week and a few weeks after attending he said he got saved. We dated for 3 years and although we always went to church, he never talked about reading the Bible or anything about God. When we broke up he stopped attending church and has not returned. I really thought that after 3 years of church he would feel he needed to go, but it seems he was doing all of this for me. I look back now and think what if I had stayed with him and we got married. Once you are married someone is usually not going to go to church with you so they can hang out with you. So please look for someone who is a solid Christian.
Dr. Henry Cloud talks about spiritual autonomy, meaning you have a relationship with God on your own, without someone having to force you to pray or read your Bible. If a girl has spiritual autonomy it ensures that she does not look to you to provide her religious direction or motivation. This means she had a relationship with God before she met you, and if you break-up she will continue to. In the beginning of a relationship it may not seem like a big deal if someone is not a strong Christian you are both excited about each other and so you are open to doing whatever it takes to stay together. But when the relationship gets rocky, so does both of your connections with God because you based your connection with God on your connection with each other.
If this person is not a Christian and you are, I can tell you now they will hinder you. A professor at our school said “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” Same can be said for who you are dating. It is more likely you will be pulled away from Christ than that you will draw them to Christ. I would encourage you to find someone who is a committed Christian before you consider dating them.

2. The second question is: “Do you want to marry a spiritual weakling or someone who is spiritually strong?”
You want your future spouse to be the real thing. There are no substitutes for the real thing. You want someone who genuinely walks with the Lord on a day to day basis. If they are a holiday Christian meaning they only go to church on Easter and Christmas keep looking.
If they are not praying today when you’re dating, then who says, they will be praying tomorrow when you’re married. Be very careful. Spiritual muscles are more powerful to a relationship then physical muscles, so girls, make sure you know the difference.
I know of a woman who loves God with all her heart, and today her husband is not a believer. She told me that when they first met, he went to church with her, but his walk was questionable so she thought she could help him get to where she was so she tried to be the Holy Spirit and play god, but through a serious of bad experiences in a couple churches they attended, he decided to denounce his faith.
The thing is, I didn’t know about this for sometime and when I found out. I was completely shocked. The first time I asked her about it, she tried to make it sound like everything was alright because he has very high morals, but then the question came up again, and this time her whole demeanor changed and she said, Jess, actually, it is extremely hard, she said, I should have none better, but I thought it would work out. The story I just told you is pretty common, one person assumes the responsibility for their future mate’s spiritual development and soon finds out that it’s totally out of their control.
I want to share with you “3 Spiritual Ingredients” that you must not compromise when selecting a mate. If you’re going to compromise somewhere, do it in the LOOKS category, not in the spirituality category because looks, muscles, abs, all fad away with time, but one’s relationship with God is forever. Also, think what would you rather have in the midst of an argument, a spouse with big muscles or on who is led by God’s word? For me personally, I would rather have a wife who cares enough about me to pray for me, then a wife who cares more about herself and is always in the tanning bed and getting her nails down. The FIRST ingredient . . .
Prayer must be a strategic part of the process! Here are some key areas to pray for.
Prayer for the will of God. To make sure you have God’s blessing on your relationship.
Prayer can reveal blind spots that we have within ourselves. It’s funny how somebody you know, can look at your relationship and tell you straight up, don’t do it, don’t go there. And you will say, no, your wrong and be blinded by that little thing called love. I actually a prophet in this area, I have a pretty good record with telling TC grads with they are going to work out. Some one recently, just proved my point, guess how many TC grads this one girl has been after? Four. I said all that to say, ask God for His insight as well as your friends. Prayer opens up our Spiritual dimension so that our significant other can see our soul.
Prayer can reveal blind spots we have not seen in the other person. Pray that God gives you the ability to see things that in the natural you wouldn’t be able to see. God will give you opportunities to see stuff so that you can know who this person really is.
Prayer for discernment. Pray that you will be able to openly observe and talk about actions and words that you are observing in the life of your significant other. You will learn a lot from the way they respond to you when and if you ever confront them on an inconsistency you see in the way they live. Make sure their actions line up with their words.
Find a person of like faith. Meaning is their spiritual maturity compatible with yours.
The fatal mistake a lot of Christians make is assuming that just because he or she is a Christian the relationship will work. That is a deadly myth.
It’s a tragedy, but statistics tell us that Christians and non-Christians divorce at almost the same rate, so don’t bank on the fact that just because you found a so called Christian your marriage is going to work out. Just look at ADAM and EVE, God was the one who did their premarital counseling and married them, and they still struggled in PARADISE.
Probe the heart of a person’s spiritual life.
Jesus quite frequently talked about the heart. He said, “Out of the heart the mouth speaks.” I want to challenge you to really listen to the conversation of the person you are dating. One thing I know is true: People can’t help but talk about what is on their heart, so listen real carefully. Two clear indicators, if someone’s spiritual life is in good shape or not: (1) find out what and if they are pursuing dreams and (2) find out how they handle their finances. When you’re dating, you are doubling as an undercover agent, trying to gather as much intelligence as possible to find out what makes your partner tick. Inspect their heart, the bottom line is can you see a pure heart filled with the things of God or do you see a polluted heart filled by the things of this world? If I was you, I would make sure, without a shadow of a doubt that the person you decide to marry has a thriving spiritual life because it’s too late after you say I do.

3. What has God called you to do in life?

I want to challenge you before you get into your next dating relationship to write down some non-negotiable goals and dreams you have. You must find someone who is willing to encourage you to go get those dreams not someone who is hindering you from them. In a dating relationship, do not put your dreams on hold for the other person. Follow God’s calling for your life before you follow your boyfriend or girlfriend. Although your dreams do not have to be the same, be honest with yourself and make sure they can flow together.
I have a friend who I went to high school with. She graduated a year before me and was valedictorian of her class. She had a boyfriend at home who she didn’t want to leave but had a dream of being a counselor. She went to college for a year and decided to come home because she wanted to be with him. She decided she would do massage therapy, which fell through when they got engaged. So now they are happily married but she is a secretary at a power plant and her husband has a taxidermy business in the basement of their house. So basically he is stuffing animals and she cooks them upstairs.
Someone once said, “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.” Find someone who can dream with you. Someone who gets excited about your passion even if for them they don’t really get too excited about it. That’s what love is being able to share your dreams with someone else and have the other person help you accomplish them.

Conclusion:
We don’t expect you to pull a piece of paper and a pencil out on the first date and give them a pop quiz to see if they are the lucky winner of a second date. I want to encourage you to tuck these questions in the back of your mind and as you date with purpose, observe to see if they have what it takes to become Mr. Right or to Mr. Wrong.
Also, we are not saying, you have to find a perfect 10 in order for you to get married, because believe me, if that was the case, I would have never gotten married! The goal in dating with purpose is to find someone who will strive to become the right person. I want to let you in on a little secret; “THE Perfect 10” does not exist, at least on this side of eternity!